I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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