i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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