I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
