no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
