Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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