:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My hand turned me down
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
