Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
