if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
