A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
