I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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