my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
