neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I still have a little drunk in my system
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
false alarm, still single
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
