Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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