just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
