My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
