just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
