you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize