Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
