need another drink. this is the easiest way
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
