My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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