I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
