The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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