We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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