i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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