I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
