Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
