This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
