Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize