I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
