On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
