Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
