i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize