Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't deserve a penis
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
