you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize