I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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