This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
