We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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