so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
