Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
