then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
