that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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