I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
