1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
if only i could text you this smell
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
