am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
