I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
