Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
