Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
