here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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