why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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