i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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