I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
