i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
