giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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