You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
