apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
