he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
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