god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
