the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
