That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
