Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
