Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
