Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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