Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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