You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
