We're facebook friends in real life
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
