its not stalking. its research.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize