Can i not drive my cunt home
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
