i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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