also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
