dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
