There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize