It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
