He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I understand Curling. That high.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
