I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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