What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
