He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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