Whod you bang
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You were trust falling into bushes
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
