i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
