Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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